and it all

"i feel fulfilled in a most self-sufficient way, whereby nothing seems to be lacking"

i read this on someone's blog and it made me fall into a moment of deep reflection

am pretty unfulfilled at this stage, there's so much i want to do and accomplish and be this year; the thing is i know where i have to start and everything

but i've let myself get so distracted and worried about things. am being drawn underwater by the amphibian. don't want to drown, am fighting desperately to survive.

if that sounded dramatic, that's because this whole situation is ridiculously dramatic

but i will survive, i shall be a dedicated and exemplary capt, i will study hard, i must get a part-time job because i am breaking (in relation to broke, ha)...

most importantly,

je veux être heureuse. je serai heureuse

i want to come home and fall blissfully onto the green plush sofa by the front door, reflect contentedly on the day's passing and be able to look positively towards the day to come

the thing is, though, that i want to be happy avec la grenouille, avec lui

et pas sans.