the reason why

she doesn't feel ashamed or guilty. on the contrary. way contrary. she feels liberated. not loved. but liked and desired. accepted and cherished. who knows when the dream will end... but for now, she wishes it had never ended. in fact, i honestly think that the only thing she regrets is not having stayed longer.

.

i've left half of my boot studs scattered deep in the skank but homely (hah) field that is farrer pk.

it's just as well there was no training today.

someone once told me the club will always be here, in the sense that if i do come back to sg it'll still be here, so there was no need to get all nostalgic about it.

unfortunately in some ways reality has proven otherwise.

but that really doesn't matter that much now. because i have something more important to treasure.

.

on an interesting note, 7 french players from last year are returning this year.

am sneaking off to meet old friends on tuesday lunchtime. abandoning l'équipe and bob to their own devices at the lycée.

somewhere in between all the anticipated frenzy that this week is sure to bring, i've got to fit in studying and packing and focused (read: not getting sidetracked into forever 21 or something) shopping.

.

i think about how it might have been
we'd spend our days travelin'
it's not that i don't understand you
it's not that i don't want to be with you
but you only wanted me
the way you wanted me

so, i will head out alone and hope for the best
and we can hang our heads down as we skip the goodbyes
and you can tell the world what you want them to hear
i've got nothing left to lose, my dear
so, i'm up for the little white lies
but you and i know the reason why
i'm gone, and you're still there

i'll buy a magazine, searching for your face
from coast to coast, or wherever i find my place
i'll track you on the radio
and i'll sign your list in a different name
but as close as i get to you
it's not the same

so, i will head out alone and hope for the best
we can pat ourselves on the back and say that we tried
and if one of us makes it big
we can spill our regrets
and talk about how the love never dies
but you and i know the reason why
i'm gone, and you're still there

so, steal the show
and do your best to cover the tracks that i have left
i wish you well and hope you find whatever you're looking for
the way i might've changed my mind
but you only showed me the door

so, i will head out alone and hope for the best
we can pat ourselves on the back and say that we tried
and if one of us makes it big
we can spill our regrets
and talk about how the love never dies
but you and i know the reason why

- "the reason why"_rachael yamagata