15

glad to know she seems to be having a cool time :D

.

i hurt my neck/back during training today, it's really sore now and am hoping it heals itself quickly as matches beckon this sunday and next wednesday

today's training was also the first wherein i almost lost it

nothing seemed to be going right, it got dark really early, some of my team mates were unwittingly making the drills a bit difficult to get through effectively, we got there late cos the bus came late and took some bloody long route and i got frustrated during the warm-up touch. briefly put i think i did pretty well in staying calm. though livvy detected my low spirits

i'm tired of giving excuses for myself, even if the excuses are valid. at the end of the day i have control over my actions and decisions. grrr

.

spoke to zl on the phone for ages just now. and a lot of good it did too... being the frank and forthright person that he is, he told me exactly what he thought, which was also exactly what i needed to hear. shed many larmes along the way, but different from the usual. these were symbolic of an honest recognition of what the whole situation has really manifested

we got talking about the sec sch and jc years, during which we kept in touch but hardly ever told each other anything beneathe the token superficial

and realised how much we've probably hidden from each other

and how much we've both changed deeply

but also, how much we've fundamentally stayed the same. and that's cheered me up loads

i badly want to visit him in moscow next year

.

dream on, dream on, dream on
dream yourself a dream come true
dream on, dream on, dream on
dream until your dreams come true
dream on, dream on, dream on, dream on
dream on, dream on, dream on

sing with me
sing for the year
sing for the laughter and sing for the tear
sing it with me
if it's just for today
maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

- "dream on"_aerosmith