london at dusk

is beautiful. i love london a lot, i really do.

life here is... special. there are many things that are not going as well as i wish they would, but that's what makes life here so enriching. the dozen-a-day confrontations that i have with myself and my nagging insecurities can only make me a stronger, more self-aware person (as they say, 'whatever doesn't kill you only makes you...')

i love the weather here, it's so cool. who cares about the rain, as long as it's not humid! and i love walking around london, every street that i walk down, every street corner that i turn, becomes more familiar to me with each passing day. and i love the maple pecan danish sold in supermarkets here - if i'm not careful it'll soon become my favourite comfort food (and then no one will recognise me when i go back next year). i love the cultural hodgepodge, the diversity of the people here - it fascinates me to no end.

on the other hand, i'm sick and tired of making small talk with people. especially since it's all quite superficial. i miss the 'old days' when a conversation between A and B meant that A and B would at least be acquainted and say hi to each other in future chance meetings.

e.g. today's rugby training. mostly everyone was friendly and chatty during, but afterwards when i passed some of them by on the streets they didn't even say hi. socialising is exhausting - by the fifth time i ask someone 'so what are you studying?' i'm completely knackered. 'cos honestly, i'm not always interested in what i'm asking - 'so how do you like london?', 'so where are you staying?' are such superficial questions. sometimes i reek to myself of hypocrisy.

there. i think i might just contradicted myself.

.

anyway, rugby training. for most of the time we did lateral passing in what i would consider slow-mo. several of the freshers were new to rugby, so half the time they weren't running onto the ball. interestingly we had a 2-v-1 drill (2 ppl getting pass 3 consecutive singular defenders), which i felt may have come a bit soon because the idea of 'drawing your man' and passing at the right time was lost on many. then we played convoluted 10-on-12 (approx.) touch, in which half the time there was no off-side, knock-ons were sympathetically overlooked and there were basically no gaps because the playing space was waayy too small.

it was like rebirth, almost. not exactly unlearning all my rugby. but although it was fun to actually move my butt and exercise again, i couldn't help but keep thinking of blacks. i just couldn't help myself, could i? every dropped ball i saw made me cringe, the way i used to cringe when i saw dropped balls during blacks training. when i made some touches during the convoluted touch, i thought of the touch league games. and as i did lateral passing i couldn't help but occasionally imagine that i was passing the ball to some of my blacks teammates.

it was a bit nostalgic. but more than that, it's whole new world. our first inter-uni match is on 20oct. that should be fun, at least to watch, i probably won't end up playing yet.

i skipped the sports nite, some weekly wednesday night pubbish thing at the union that involves all the sportspeople apparently. had seriously considered going, but then i've reached my socialising maximum today. i need some time out.

i need to go do my readings!