appel

that same old feeling is back

and this time, i am determined not to let it ruin my day

but it is easier said than done though

it's already ruined my night; i woke up in the early hours of the morning and felt my heart start to beat at that familiarly fast, worrying pace

i'm trying my darndest not to go into 'panic mode', i'm trying to keep my head cool and calm, i'm trying not to let my emotions and irrational side overwhelm me, because i've seen what the consequences could be. and trust me, they could be drastic

at the same time, i know that there is a chance - however minute (in the region of >1%) - that something could actually be wrong. and with every minute - no, second - that passes, with every failed attempt, the chance increases

it's not even about the fact that it's been (only? or already?) 2 days

it's not even about the fact that it's happened before

it's just that this current black-out seems so... i dunno.. abnormal

but who am i kidding? since when has "normal" ever been the norm?

let's be rational, calm, collected, intelligent and wise

in 2 hours, i'll have made up my mind