minor alarm

i went to the sports clubs page on the union website this morning, clicked on the link that said "women's rugby" and immediately this pop-up page appeared with the words "suspended from operation" (or something like that).

this was a bit of a shock, to put it mildly. so just now i hiked over to the bloomsbury theatre, where the societies and clubs centre is situated, to enquire about this. never mind that freshers fayre (like cca day) is tomorrow, i just wanted to find out by t.o.d.a.y.

couldn't find anyone to ask though. true to its name, it was a 'centre', with no proper reception or enquiry desk or anything of the sort. just lots of tables and chairs for people to sit. so i accosted the first guy i saw in the corridor and asked him with whom i should enquire.

by lucky coincidence, he turned out to be captain (or something-captain) of the guy's rugby team. to the best of his knowledge (which may or may not be much), the women's rugby team should still be in existence. he was about to offer me the number of last year's women's rugby team captain, but then suggested quite rightly that i should just attend freshers fayre, where all my questions would probably be answered.

which is exactly what i'll do.

.

after purchasing all the initial groceries and other materials (calculator, saucepans) this week, i'm left with £3 to last me for the rest of the week (saturday to saturday).

let's see, i've got 2 more days. that's £1.50 a day.

that's a relief.

actually it's entirely possible.

alone

while i've got lots of flatmates around me now that everyone has moved in, i can't help but feel more alone than when i was still putting up at my cousins's place, living and moving about in a solitary manner.

it's strange.

the more people i meet, the more lonely i feel.

i guess it's 'cos most of the connections i've made are on a more superficial level. people here are nice, but it's hard when we've got different wavelengths, so to speak. the only people i can really talk to in a normal manner are the other s'poreans. but i'm wary of hanging out too much with them, it's important to me to reach out to and mix with other people.

.

i've got one photo next to my bed. it the one of fen, ah-vette, tabi & me, taken at spe the wednesday before i left.

it cheers me up when i'm down. at the same time, it makes me miss blacks & some people more than ever.

ah-vette, you asked yourself the exact same questions i asked myself on the plane (what's the point?).

i think the point is that we've come to a point where we have to move on and leave some things behind.

nothing is forever. no not even memories.

but it also means that it won't be long before we go back. and in certain ways, that's a happy thought. :)

bish i'm rambling. i'm hungry. dinner tonight: leftover pasta from last night.

speaking of last night, some guys from the flat downstairs came up to our flat to visit after we came back from the night out.

they made so much noise outside in the corridors while i was trying to sleep. and someone upstairs was BLASTING intermittently rock & opera music.

my roommate put it well:

"welcome to london".

wireless

i having been posting for a long time now.

well that's because i haven't been able to.

in the past, when people told me that the uk is a bit backward with regards to computer and i.t., i didn't quite take them seriously.

the place where i stay doesn't have internet access. that in itself is a tragedy. there's only one telephone point in every flat, and that's for the incoming phone. it means no late night msn, no prompt e-mail checking and replying, no skype...

so now i'm in one of my school's public computer cluster rooms, furtively typing this and hoping that no one behind me stares over my shoulder to peer and read what i'm typing.

a lot of things have happened since i last posted. unfortunately i don't have time to narrate them, so this point-by-point list will have to suffice.

i've...

- got a roommate!

she's from derbyshire, friendly girl who seems neater and tidier than i am. my side of the room is looking increasingly messier than hers. *sheepish*

- gone out with my flatmates two nights in a row.

each time we've gone to pubs/bars. it is a new experience, i don't particularly enjoy arriving home smelling of cigarette smoke, but it is nice to meet and hang out with non-s'poreans. my flatmates are mostly from the uk, there's a girl from germany and another from holland but they both speak perfect, almost american-accented english. there are two guys as well. they're all friendly and nice, so it's a huge relief.

there is definitely a cultural barrier when i start conversing with uk students, and it takes a lot of effort to engage in a decent conversation with any of them, but i didn't come all the way here to be lazy. :)

and it's through conversations with them that i begin to understand a bit more about their psyche, their mindsets and their culture. there's some stuff i can't actually post here. it's pretty eye-opening.

- met my non-s'porean coursemates, and boy are they a diverse bunch. we've got people who are 3/4indian-1/4english, 1/4taiwanese-1/4chinese-1/4italian-1/4english (hope i got that one right), 1/2malaysianchinese-1/2english, 1/2french-1/4iraqi-1/4indian, etc... but except for the 5 of us from sg, the rest are from the uk.

- signed up for a 20-pound union-organised fresher's event at the ministry of sound. it's a hell lot of money but it is to students here what o-nite is to rj. haha that's a lame comparison.

at first i balked at the cost (20quid can buy me 6 saucepans. 10 sandwiches. or 10 vk oranges.) so i told myself 'no-no-no it's too expensive and anyway i don't want to go.'

but talking with my flatmates, i realised many of them view it as an event not to be missed, something they had to go for. and then i realised that i actually do want to go and see what it's like. plus it's at mos - i'll probably never be able to afford to go in there after this.

i kept recalling one thing in my mind - wing & tabi telling me that night at botanic gardens to try anything and everything while i'm in london.

while there are some things i absolutely won't try (like drugs for example - organic or otherwise ;P), i do want to do a whole lot of crazy things while i'm here. things that i won't be able to do anywhere else.

things i haven't even thought of yet. :)

it is going to be one hell of a ride after all.

londonponders

yesterday i went on another great walkabout. different from the first great walkabout becuase this time it involved shopping (hmm, make that window shopping). just about killed my feet. but it was worth it, not least because i made more london observations! shall call them londonponders. lame name. ah well.

did you know...

- some of the clothes in GAP (kinda like a british giordano/u2, slightly more upmarket though) are manufactured in singapore.

- the singapore tourism board advertises in london. i saw this 'uniquely singapore' ad in a tube station. the ad's main picture looked suspiciously like macritchie. well, i could be wrong. it could be peirce.

- harrods has a "hen-cam" (i kid you not, that's what it's called) at its eggs section. live webcasts of chicken - oops sorry, i mean hens ("old cotswold legbar hens" and "burford browns") in their coops at "clarence court" (some farm).

[harrods is incredible, by the way. all the stuff (a word which doesn't do justice to all the fantastic, um, stuff there, especially in the food hall). at incredibly cardiac-arresting prices too.

i've found a book i really want. a year in the merde (which means 'shit' in french) by one stephen clarke. more faux-pas-in-france stories. now all i have to do is convince myself to part with £10. (which could get me 5 scoops of gelato ice cream in harrod's food hall)

no, can't be done.]

- the toilets at harrods are labelled "luxury washrooms". i guess they're clean and odour-free and all, but they're certainly not the most luxurious i've ever seen. oh, and the toilet doors are forever closed. even when there's no one inside. the toilet attendant was beside herself with frustration, raising her voice to tell the women standing patiently outside empty cubicles to throw themselves in.

- oxford street... probably the london equivalent of s'pore's orchard road, which doesn't even come close. i counted at least 4 large zaras. ditto h&m (this really cool relatively low-price fashion store). i had to do so many double-takes.

- near an oxford street bus stop, an area teeming with people, there was a fellow armed with a loudhailer going on and on about demons and whatnot. crazy.

other londonponders

- a decent (e.g. cheese & tomato?) sandwich will definitely cost >S$8

- lots of people are actually employed to hold large placards (e.g. "cheap deals inside!" or meals from as low as £4!") outside stores

- strangers can be quite polite. i've had 2 guys (ok, not that many, but still) hold doors open for me at store entrances. and sometimes people give up their seats to other people quite readily on the tube.

- people ask cigarettes off each other

- the trains come quite frequently. and the punctuality rate's a dismal 86%. the trains are actually quite clean. so much for the older northern line trains ;)

- i could get really fat here if i don't watch out! food portions can be quite big. but then again, my budget is small. so there.

.

had indian food for dinner just now, a friend's father treated us.

the food was great. i love nan, it reminds me a lot of zha (fried) mantou, which i love to death (have eaten 6 at one sitting before).

i realise that the student house i'm gonna be living in is a bit 'far' from where most singaporeans will be living (in halls).

at first i was made to feel a bit daunted. ("wah yar hor, you're staying very far leh...")

but now i don't care. i'm in london dammit. where everyone's from everywhere, it's so amazing.

there's so much to see and do in london. love it.

(and i do love the tube, haha. but i guess i'd change my mind if i were stuck in a tube tain 45 mins during winter. ouch)

where are you going today?

i haven't been to these places, can't wait to go...

- camden market

south kensington:
- french bookshop
- science museum
- natural history museum
- victoria & albert museum

- portobello road market

- british museum (went yesterday but for some mysterious reason it was closed. me: "why is it close?".. security guard at the entrance: "sorry i'm not allowed to disclose". okay.)

- spitalfields market (sunday)

- harrods

- selfridges

- charing cross road (apparently there are lots of bookstores there :D)

- frockbrokers (cool-sounding reasonably-priced (or so says my lonely planet guidebook) fashion, down at the docklands)

- covent garden (recommended by yw and my guidebook. fashion & interesting little streets)

- westminster parliament (big ben!)

- tate modern (cool art)

ucl - from the main quadrangle.

inside a h&m changing room

harrods

natural history museum - it's got an amazing exterior

natural history museum - i went in and relived my childhood by exploring the dinosaur and creepy crawlies exhibits. :)

bahrain. brown.

lost in transit

unadulterated actual real recovered blogs[crap]s (scribbled in a little notebook) that were forgotten somewhere in between changi and heathrow.

.

"bahrain. very very brown! from above (in the airplane) it's impossible to spot any sign of greenery! it's like the setting for some strange sci-fi movie, where a species dwells in a sandy dry land... but i digress."

.

"i'm at the bahrain airport restaurant waiting for my (free!) breakfast. omelette and toast i think.

solitary at one table. other travellers are solitary at their tables to. everyone looks abit plane-weary.

i need my sustenance :O"

.

"it's all still surreal. the flight i just took is surreal. the london AtoZ book that wing gave me also feels surreal in my hands. i read her note and miss her and the blacks girls already."

.

"hanging out at the bahrain airport, feeling a bit of jet lag now, extremely sleepy especially since i just tried to stomach a number of pages from stiglitz's 'globalisation and its discontents'.

"met this guy from singapore (malaysian like me), shall call him 'd', who's studying med at kcl. he just came up to me at the bahrain airport (took the same gf flight). awkward conversation has been replaced by awkward silence while he reads his noam chomsky book and i do my own stuff (stoning)."

.

"what else can i say about bahrain... cosmopolitan enough, but small airport. can't imagine my mum as an air stewardess hanging around here, haha. feeling damn excited about london now, but just wish that my friends and family could be here with me."

.

les photos

for your eyes. :) certainly not mine.

view from bottom-up (to see in chrono order). click on 'september 2004' archives in case some earlier photos that i posted don't show up on the index page.

.

today i did the 'day travelcard' thing again and visited at least 4 supermarkets. tesco, sainsbury, argos (if you can count it as one), woolworth... had major 'heart attacks' in almost all of them. the price just kills.

now even a supermarket salad (the cheapest is >S$3, so imagine what a decent one costs) feels sinful.

paris! - champs elysee at night. they call it 'diamonds and rubies' because that's what all the car headlights look like.

paris! - that afternoon i was there, there happened to be this massive gathering of army veterans/ soldiers on the major shopping district (champs elysee). a tourist attraction in itself. it could only happen in paris!

paris! - check out the giant LV 'bags' at the LV store on the champs elysee.. incidentally some chinese woman tried to con me (i think) into helping her buy an LV bag. i think it's a sham because the same thing happened to my cousin. and my cousin's friend. hmm.

paris! - view from beneath

paris! - the beautiful arc de triomphe

paris! - view from beneath

paris! - the mother of all parisian symbols. le tour d'eiffel. breathtaking awesome construct. aesthetically appealing, standing tall above the generally low parisian 'skyline'.

paris! - galeries lafayette. awesome interior.. everyone turns their heads up and go 'wow....'

day 1 walkabout - cute hampstead backlane

day 1 walkabout - thames river. was fascinated by the numerous plane trails in the sky. there are always plane trails in the london sky - when it's not cloudy and gloomy.

day 1 walkabout - random street near trafalgar square

day 1 walkabout - trafalgar square. notice the nice sunny day, blue sky. who said london has to be wet and dreary all the time...

day 1 walkabout - typical hampstead (where i'm putting up at my cousin's place) street. peaceful neighbourhood, nice cars and the like.

day 1 walkabout - where i'll be staying! :D

je viens de retourner de paris

i could go on forever about the last 5 days in london/paris.

but it's 12:55am and i haven't bathed yet, so...

my mind's been blown (in unexpected ways too), and i doubt i'll ever be able to retrieve back some of the wind-scattered pieces.

grin :D

.

you know something?

even with everything that's happening to me now, i'm still thinking about rugby.

i bought this 4€30 (around S$9?) large post-card thing in paris. yes the price is a rip-off.

but who cares? it was a comic strip ('bande dessinee' in french)... a humorous account of the history of...

le rugby.

i didn't think twice about buying it.

nevermind the price. oh i'll just skip a few meals this week that's all.

.

thanks ah-vette for your great e-mail. i'll reply you really soon...

i felt a bit.. not sad, but... nostalgic? not exactly... envious. and hungry to play. god i want to hold a rugby ball again (should go pump up my new zealand rugby ball, i brought it along with me), i want to step on a field and run and do lateral passing.

and it's not just the game... i miss blacks. and them.

random london observations

the heart of london is so multicultural. to think i once thought that s'pore is very multiracial..

everywhere you turn, every other person (almost, i'm not exaggerating) is of a different race/nationality. yesterday i must have heard at least 7 different languages - brit english (duh), american english (not the same as brit english mind you ;P), french, german, chinese, korean, spanish, and eastern european (might've been russian, but how would i know?)...

and i passed by people of countless nationalities... there are many people of asian and african origin in london.

i asked myself a couple of times during my walkabout: who are the real natives of london? most people here appear to have been transplanted here from elsewhere.

it's so fascinating. the cosmopolitan-ism.

.

crowd - what crowd?

maybe it had something to do with the fact that yesterday was a weekday. but where were the throngs of crowds i had expected? compared to orchard road peak hour, the streets are much less busy. but then again, i've only been around bloomsbury, leicester square, trafalgar square and the embankment... cher, my cousin, says that the area where she works - around westminster - is much more crowded and abuzz. we shall see :)

.

the public transport system.

maybe i'm being overly optimistic. but i actually found the london transport system easy to use and efficient.

my cousin jay almost snorted when i expressed this opinion to him. hmm.

you know how s'pore's mrt station platforms have this informative screen telling you how many minutes will pass before the next train arrives?

well some london bus stops have that too! it's pretty convenient, to know that your bus will arrive in 7 minutes, especially if you want to pop into a shop nearby briefly and don't want to miss your bus.

and london's superbly walkable largely thanks to the cool weather. it's very possible to walk from one tube station to another (actually this is also possible in s'pore, it's just that the humidity and heat makes walking unbearable).

.

homeless people. one begging in the tube station. another feeding pigeons from his makeshift bed in the underground walkway. a third unconscious on a bench, with a plastic bag filled with 3 beer cans sitting on the floor.

.

i'm gonna go gallivanting a bit today again. probably go up to hampstead heath, which is supposed to be this huge park. and i'm pretty sure i know where the creperie is now ;), so i'll go there later too.

it's not as sunny as it was yesterday. slight gloom.

i've figured that happiness has to come from within. i'll try my darndest not to let the weather get to me. think happy thought. :)

solitude is different from loneliness. most of the time i'm enjoying my solitude, but occasionally i get lonely and think about people, wish you were here with me.

but then i look at the photos and see all the cheery smiles, and any sadness just melts away.

walkabout

i walked around so much today. bought a day travelcard at £4.30 and went wild :) on public transport.

went to

- bloomsbury (euston station): went ga-ga over ucl's exterior, walked past my future abode (arthur tatt house - really quaint).

- russell square: settled some bank account-related errands.

- trafalgar square: less pigeons than i remember (from when i was p6). had a stroll in the national gallery; as is typical of me, got lost in there. followed the 'way out' sign through many rooms, but as they closed off some section (or so i think), all i did was walk round and round and confuse myself.

- leicester square: all the theatres! but since i had neither the money nor the mood for any cultural entertainment, just treated it pretty much as a walking ground.

- embankment: thames river bank. spotted the london eye from across. walked across the bridge to south bank, to waterloo station.

- hampstead: belsize park station. got off there and tried to find the creperie recommended by both my cousin and wing. was a disaster - spent about an hour walking uphill and downhill the road and couldn't find the place. later found out that i'd been walking up and down the wrong road. (that's kinda like my life story)

gosh i'm tired i am. but it was a fun and exciting day. have so many random observations about london that i want to post here, but am really too exhausted to. one thing though: throughout the day i paused here and there and wished that i had friends or family with me to share my experiences. i love solitude, don't get me wrong... but one of the joys of fun is sharing the fun with others.

ok i'm waxing lyrical, i shall stop.

so see the photos instead:


i'm in my cousin's place on the second floor :)


it's a sunny day.


belsize park station (typical underground tube platform).

touch down

typing this at my cousin's place in hampstead (north of the city of london)... i've arrived safe and sound, it's 12:10am here and a bit cold, but entirely survive-able.

spent >2hours stuck in queues at the airport immigration. took the tube (underground) with my cousin and 50+++kg baggage back to his place. long story, i shall save it for another day.

can't write much 'cos A) i'm tired, B) don't wanna use up too much of my cousin's 'pay-as-you-go' internet access, C) my contact lenses are drying up in my eyes... so very quickly ~

i miss a lot of people already. i know i promised i wouldn't cry at the airport, and i did keep that promise.

so i only broke down during the plane's take-off. haha... couldn't help it. but it wasn't a tsunami, more like a slow but insistent rising tide.

the turn-out at the airport exceeded my expectations. i was very touched that they were willing to come down at such a crazy hour in the morning. with a bleary-eyed tabi acting her usual self (think 'funny' comments), i wasn't allowed to feel 'sad' a single moment while they were around. thank you ai lei, crys, duey, jane, rad, tabi, wing, ah-vette.

in addition,
thanks wing for the A-Z London book, it's truly useful, i've already had cause to consult it on my first night in london!

thanks ah-vette for your sweet card, i was cheered up a bit just by remembering all the beautiful, happy memories we've had that you managed to encapsulate in a few succinct paragraphs. see you in london!

thanks duey for winks (ah-vette stop grinning ;P) and your beautiful letter, which was quite uplifting and very encouraging :)

thanks crys for being my friend, it's more than i ever deserved. crys's letter made me cry so bad on the plane. even though i read it after reading ah-vette's card. i never realised how badly i'll miss her.

thanks tabi for just her reassuring pats on my shoulders. it feels awfully strange saying this, but there's something very maternal and comforting about the way she puts her arm around, squeezes or pats your shoulders. she told me at jade bar to remind her to tell me something at the airport, but i forgot to darnit. all that suspense for nothing.

i really need to go snooze. will write more later.

jeux d'enfants

my close secondary school friends made me this cassette tape filled voice recordings of their well-wishes and goodbye messages.

they've always meant a lot to me, but i never knew i meant that much to them.

began to tear because silly mo played the 'jeux d'enfants' soundtrack as the background for her voice recording. made it all sound quite sad.

let me go find a way to convert the cassette tape recording into a media file on my laptop.

it's something i could listen to every night, to remind myself of certain things.

surreal

pride can stand
a thousand trials.
the strong will never fall.

but watching stars without you

my soul cried.

grieving heart is full of pain.
oh, oh the aching.

- "kissing you"_des'ree

"better not leave anything behind!"

to pack or not to pack, that is the question...

... that will make or break my luggage. hahaha.

i've subconsciously tried my best to avoid packing for the longest time ever. but with less than 26 hours to go before i head off to the airport, i've started to doubt the wisdom of such procrastination.

it is a nightmare.

how do you expect me to choose two t-shirts out of a potential pool of twenty!?

and don't get me started on books... each time i toss a book away from the pile of "books to bring", my heart tumbles yet another step. i hate the feeling of leaving books behind.

guess what though...

i'm feeling excited. very much so.

tabi told me that night that i should be feeling "more excited" (more in relation to what, i still don't have a clue).

well, i am.

and i feel good *dah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah*, yeah i feel good.

abish. stop procrastinating and doodling here.. back to packing.

you live, you learn

now that you know why you feel like you do
they're turning their head whilst they wait
for no one
and finally i know why you feel like letting go

i'm watching you watch
over me and i've got
the greatest view from here
i'm watching you watch
over me and i've got
the greatest view from here

mistakes don't mean a thing
if you don't regret them
so pack your tactic toes for the winter
chain a waterfall to burned and withered skin
no-one else will ever see

- "the greatest view"_silverchair

the reason

and so i have to say before i go
that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

- "the reason"_hoobastank

but i am stronger than you know/ i have to let you go

- "disease"_matchbox 20

of all the things i believe in
i just want to get it over with
tears from behind my eyes
but i do not cry
counting the days that past me by

i've been searching deep down in my soul
words that i'm hearing are starting to get old
feels like i'm starting all over again
the last three years were just pretend and i say

goodbye to you
goodbye to everything i thought i knew
you were the one i loved
the one thing that i tried to hold on to

- "goodbye to you"_michelle branch

54 hours...

...that's the estimated amount of time i've got left in s'pore.

after this whole weekend i've got no more rugby-related regrets whatsoever.

had my last blacks training today and i didn't feel a thing.

last night a couple of seniors seemed intent on trying to convince me that goodbye doesn't mean forever. whatever the case, it's goodbye for now.

it's crazy of them to send me off at the airport so early in the morning.

but all the same it's really nice.

i promise i won't cry... till i enter the departure hall alone.

just kidding ;) whatever will happen, will happen. as hard as you try to, it's impossible to defend against a tsunami. just hope there's not enough elements to start one rolling.

forgive me, for i have sinned...

... by eating crème brûlée *drools*.

had a class gathering just now. i thought i wouldn't feel anything at all, i assumed i was not close enough to most of my ex-classmates.

in the end i still felt a bit nostalgic, and as i said goodbye to chelz at the mrt station, a twinge of sadness pricked me. it wasn't overwhelming sorrow or grief, just a dull but aching sense of inevitable separation.

took a cab back home later; 90.5FM was softly playing slow slongs. this lovely song by journey (see below) came on... this is the kind of song that i absolutely must not listen to next wednesday. or tuesday night.

i don't want to have to carry so much tissue with me.

.


we sailed on together
we drifted apart
and here you are by my side

- "open arms"_journey